Cyber-heist!

While I was away over the weekend (visiting Miss Musical in Fayetteville PA) I was robbed, people!!

Not in person though, I was cyber-swiped! This has never happened to me before and it has been hard to process the different emotions I'm feeling... Part rage? Part surprise? Part fear? Part violation? Part I'd like to squeeze the windpipe of whoever stole my card details and spent over $2000 of my money?!?
I only found out at 5am on Route 81 as I was driving back to NYC... in the middle of bumble-f*cking nowhere as I tried to fill up with gas (sorry to my English friends, 'petrol') and my card got declined. Motherf*ckers!!

It turns out however that it hasn't been just one person spending money from my account... England? Moscow? Gibraltar? Mexico? Hello?!?! It turns out that someone has ripped my card details and sold them to several people across the world because they were all store-made transactions not ones made online! I was pretty p*ssed as you can imagine...

But wait... there is always a silver lining if you look for it and this will allow me to introduce a new part of British culture to my non-American readers... Chavs. God bless 'em.

Chavs, or scallies... you pick your favourite... wearing their cheap tracksuits, their fake gold jewellery, their fake Burberry baseball caps, teenage pregnancies, being a granddad by the time you hit 30. Robbing old ladies for their pensions, drinking cheap cider at bus stops and in parks, barely able to spell their own names correctly, not working, sucking the life blood from the country, breeding like rabbits... they're taking over the country bus shelter by bus shelter.

How do chavs relate to my cyber-crime story? Well... The fraudulent transactions that took place in the UK were in Manchester... beating heart of the chav-nation if you ask me (but then again, I am from Liverpool and so I'm biased, and to be fair there are thousands of chavs in Liverpool!)... so, someone in Manchester bought so much stuff from Asda with my card details that they needed the goods delivering to them. What did they do? That's right people, yep, they did...
They gave Asda their home address... no sooner as I had reported the fraudulent transactions on my account, my bank had contacted Asda, found the data and Asda passed it on to the police. Haha! Got to love it. Well done chavs, a masterminded heist.

So, there's my silver lining. Just picture the looks on those chavs when the rozzers (Liverpudlian term for the police) turned up at their house, where all 20 of them are probably living together.

Later people! Keep laughing.