Why see a movie when you can watch the TRAILER?

Friends, colleagues, movie enthusiasts together. Who else is sick of watching movie trailers that give away ALL of the plot, the twists and most of the best shots?? 

So often I hear about a movie that sounds pretty good, or see a teaser campaign's series of posters and I get really excited about it... I then watch the trailer and it's RUINED.

This afternoon I went to see The Tourist with Johnny Depp and Ang-g-g-g-elina Jolie (who still has it - HAS. IT.).

I won't discuss my thoughts of the plot itself too much, nor will I tell you to see it nor skip it, but I will tell you this - besides the last 5 mins of the movie, I felt like I had already seen the first 98.

Honestly, no joke. There were no surprises, no 'wow' moments that I didn't already know were coming, no one-liners I didn't see coming, no matter how pithy or well delivered they were. I basically could have fast-forward to the last 5 mins to see what I already thought was probably going to happen. ROBBED!

Angelina my dear, you're smoking (and your English accent is pretty good). Mr Depp, you were pretty cool and charming but guys, I want my $12 back AND the $12 I spent on a bottle of water and popcorn. ROBBED I tell you! ROBBED!

Leading up to the movie though let's talk about the trailers themselves...

• First up, The Eagle - looked pretty good but it was spoiled. ROBBED

• Guy goes out into the wilderness to find his Dad's missing golden eagle thing from the top of his Dad's legion's standard bearer that was lost 20 years ago.
• Guy takes slave with him.
• Slave turns out to already know where the Eagle is.
• Guy and Slave get captured by the people who have the Eagle and defeated his Dad's legion.
• Guy becomes the Slave's slave in a not so curious turn of events (that you see in the trailer)
• Some kind of brotherly, respect based relationship develops between Guy and Slave, who's now the Slave's slave.
• Some kind of grand, Ridley Scott / Gladiator-esque battle sees Guy get his Eagle back, sees Guy resolve his Slave-like issues, blood, guts, glory... blah
• THE END. 
• I'll skip it thanks and wait for DVD. Even then I might not even bother because I'll see the DVD cover and remember what happens because the trailer spelled it out for me in crayon like I'm 5.

• Next up, Battle: Los Angeles
• Actually looks pretty good and although is basically looks like a smash between Independence Day and Skyline (barf) with the look and feel of District 9 (AMAZING). And while they didn't give too much of the plot away this probably doesn't have much of a plot to begin with, which is a bit of cheat in this context so I can't count this one for or against my argument. Bugger.
• And the rest... they don't deserve having their posters put up on display...
• The Dilemma. Do we really care if he tells fat-boy Kings of Queens dude about his girlfriend cheating or not? Let's face it, the movie is the trailer and you don't need to pay your $$ to find out what happens at the end. Who's cares. Besides a few quality Vince Vaughan rants it will be utter bollocks. DVD, maybe. Next.
• Morning Glory. Fun, struggle, stress, going out on a limb, laughs, old guy's redemption, young girl's salvation, everyone feels a little inspired but not sure about precisely what. The end. DVD, maybe. Probably not actually, and Rachael McAdams isn't particularly engaging, interesting or hot. NEXT!
• Green Hornet. Looked brilliant, looked funny, we were shown all of the good parts and it ended up being such a long trailer that I didn't want to find out when it starts to show and what happens at the end. DVD, maybe... urrghh. But it did make me think of the Green Lantern... 

I'm crossing my fingers for you Mr Green Lantern, even though you're being played by Ryan Reynolds which will therefore probably mean the style of the movie will be mildly sarcastic (trying to be extremely sarcastic) and almost so tongue-in-cheek it will make me cringe. BUT you're married to Scar-Jo and I quite like how you remind of Ben Affleck, but you're NOT Ben Affleck, so I'll probably go see your movie.

Did you people not SEE Batman Begins though?! Sit down, kick back, take note. Chris Nolan and David S Goyer rock rebooting a genre that Tim "I'm an artist, I'm an artist" Burton and Joel Schumacher nearly f*cked up forever. 

Anyway, I suppose I can look on the bright side and thank you movie studios for saving me an average  2 hours of my life and $12 per movie every time you release another pile of donkey crap on film (Hollywood has a 1 in 10 average for producing watchable, quality movies I feel). Your trailers tell me I all I need to know about what happens and I see all the cool bits for FREE and can then do something else for the next 2 hours. Score! (?) Hmm. I feel like I'm happy about being robbed. It's just wrong.

It's time for us all to skip watching trailers for good or give up on going to the movies.

Movie industry - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

Battlestar Galactica MOVIE in 2011? NOOOOOO!

People, greetings.

I'm writing to you this evening feeling rather sick, twisted up inside and wanting to VOM. Apparently, Bryan Singer (X-Men, Superman Returns, Valkyrie) is going to write, produce and direct (you know it's going to be bad already, a-la the recent George Lucas approach to the new Star Wars and Indy movies, e-hem) a remake of the original Battlestar Galactica series from the 1980s. WHY?! WHY GOD DAMN IT, WHY?!?!

The original was CHEESY. It was a Star Wars knock-off when everyone realised that George Lucas was on to something and the space-opera was not a joke, not a waste of cash but a potential gold-mine. All sorts of sci-fi knock offs started to appear. This was TERRIBLE, although as a pre-10 year old boy in love with spaceships I did sort of like it (what did I know?! I was a dumb kid) - but it didn't come close to Star Wars. Anyway. Back to Bryan Singer. Really? Come on.

Usual Suspects was AMAZING. I'd give it 10/10 and;
X-Men was AMAZING. I'd give it 9/10.

But... those movies were 15 years ago and 10 years ago!!! Everything since then has essentially been PANTS. And lets take a quick look-see...
e.g.1: Superman Returns - utter disappointment, long, boring, pointless, crap. 2/10
e.g.2: Valkyrie - ok, not bad. But not great either. Yawn. Action. Yawn. Action. End. Does anyone really remember ANY of that movie? Really? I didn't think so...

Yes, he did co-produce the TV series 'House' but come on... seriously. What about JJ Abrams? Paul Greengrass? Hell, I'd take Jonathan Frakes over Bryan Singer for this movie. Anyway - I'll stop attacking ol' Bryan because I do respect him and keep holding out for that next big Usual Suspects-like movie. You can do it dude, just try harder!! But for Christ's sake - it's not going to be Battlestar sodding Galactica - the remake. No. Come on. No no no.

BSG was remade and re-imaged already, 2005-2009. It was AMAZING. It just ended. 4 solid, earth shattering seasons, last year. LAST YEAR, man!! Didn't you see it?!  Come on, yes you did man. Yes you did.


BSG was INCREDIBLE. Starbuck's a bird (Katee Sackhoff - YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!! Oh my god you rocked). Edward James Olmos, Jamie Bamber (Hammersmith in the house! Represent!), James Callis (possibly the best character in a TV show - EVER), Tricia Helfer (HOLY JESUS she could act and she was HOT!) and Grace Park (I sat next to her in a restaurant in Hawaii recently!) and more. The stories, the plotlines - did I say this already? They were amazing. The themes they used, the angles they took, the bare, blunt, frighteningly real questions that we're faced with today played out in front of us every week, set in a dark, chaotic world. Forget the sci-fi element - this was a human story, a story about who we are, what we're capable of or not capable of as a race, as people, as individuals. It challenged the deepest, darkest aspects of our psyches and some our most cherished beliefs. It was engaging on so many different levels and the end of each season just got better and better until finally, the end of Season 4 - the final ever episode split across 2.5 hours of mesmerising television - I'll never forget it and I have watched it over and over and OVER again. IT WAS AWESOME. I can't remember another TV show that ended the way it should have done, not even Lost (and I LOVED Lost).


There is no way that a 2 hour movie can even begin to capture the spirit, depth or drama of the recent TV show - if it tries, which I don't think it will, it wouldn't do it justice. So where does this leave us? With the possibility of a remake of the original? The original was SH*T! Why bother? WHY?!

Ughhhhh.... I've just about given up on Hollywood. Do something original - PLEASE.

I'll leave you with this... Katee Sackhoff, Tricia Helfer, Jamie Bamber, Jamie Callis, Ed Olmos, Mary McD, Grace Park, Tahmoh Penikett, Mike Hogan, Aaron Douglas, Alessandro Juliani, Michael Trucco, Donnelly Rhodes... you guys ruled the TV for 5 years and made the best entertainment I've EVER seen on the TV or the silver screen - you were and are the best of the best.

Frak the Singer movie! Frak! Frak! Frak!