Ode to Miss Musical's Bum

Hello people!

So I guess this isn't technically an ode. Not simply because I don't know how to compose one technically, but more so because I was actually taught how to write them during my high school years, during English Language classes, however I'm fairly certainly I thought poetry was for girls so I didn't pay enough attention. I'm fairly certain that instead of listening and learning I was either drilling a hole in the front of my desk with my compass or I was blotting dry on tissue paper the 150 ink cartridges my mum had bought me for my fountain pen. I used to break open the plastic casing to add the little pearl-like plastic balls that control the ink flow to my collection (I had hundreds and hundreds of them)...

Regardless, whatever I was doing - I wasn't learning how to compose an ode. So here's my best effort...
But first... Why an ode? And why an ode to my girlfriend's bum? (her 'arse' for my follow Brits and 'ass' for my fellow Americanos).

Don't get me wrong, contrary to what a reader of this blog post may assume, I'm not a shallow person and my girlfriend/fiancee/life-long lady and love of my life and we have the most wonderfully deep and meaningful relationship. It's incredible on so many different levels, I think EVERY single level in fact. I respect her, admire her and love her more than anything. In terms of her physical form, she knows I go weak at the knees just by looking at her smile let alone anything else! She has eyes that make me smoulder inside when they meets mine. Her smile makes me melt. I have to stop myself from kissing her lips whenever she talks. We're talking Helen of Troy meets Monica Potter means Julia Roberts. More specifically, she also knows what I think of her bum. (To any ladies or gents wondering if this little online indulgence would offend my lovely Miss Musical, rest assured that she has signed-off of my little alpha-male, caveman like need to adore her derrière in this way. I refer back to one of my previous statements - incredible relationship on so many different levels. This is one of them.)


Every guy who loves his girlfriend, fiancee, wife, or who is single but has a crush, has a part of his beloved's form that he favours the most. Sorry, that puts it's far too mildly. Let's try again...

Every guy who loves his lady friend goes INSANE for a specific part of her body. There can be more than one part that gets the applause and the attention, probably several different parts at least I'm sure, but I bet my 42inches of HD surround sound Samsung manufactured beauty (yes, this is a guy's guy post, forgive me) that there is one part of a gentleman's better half, above all others, that a he adores the most...

Adores...
Can't take his eyes off...
Thinks about when she's not there...
Salivates at the thought of seeing...
Gets a semi at the thought of touching...
Secretly wants to take photos of and show them to friends and strangers alike at random...
Wants to kneel down in public to kiss it, lick it, bite it, grab it...

...lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Well - simply put people, my lady's bum, her derrière, her posterior - it's incredible. Insane. Delicious. Perfect. Fantastic. A-mah-mah-mah-mazing. AMAZING! It truly is THE world's most sensational bottom. Bum. Arse. Ass. Pick your favourite term.

She has it. I love it.

What's it like? I'd love to show you a photo but alas - this I'm keeping for myself I'm afraid. It's mine, all mine! And while my liddigy-love is happy for me to talk about her bum, I didn't ask her if it was ok to plaster photos of it online (!) so I'll play it on the safe side and keep this little treasure to myself. :o)

I'll try and describe it for you instead...

Curvier than Scarlett Johansson's bum in Lost in Translation...?

Yes. Remember how Scarlett's perfect peach lay there during the whole opening credits of Lost in Translation? How the men in the movie theatres had to readjust themselves in their seats during this opening 120 seconds or so... Yes, better than that.

Firmer than Jessica Biel's formidable rump in Blade Trinity...?

Hell yes! You can slap it, it wobbles once then just sits there, as if defying Newton's laws of physics and all the laws of gravity.

More pert, enticing and grabable (new word, it's mine) than Evangeline Lilly's...?

Oh lord, I'd have to say yes again. For sure, mais oui mes amis. Yes. It make's poor old Kate from Lost's bum look like that of a school boy's.

Better than Beyonce and Shakira's combined junk in the trunk in that Beautiful Liar music video...?! 

Without question!! Not as large but with all the shape. Not as overwhelming on her frame but just as spectacular. You can keep your lovely ladies Jay-Z and Mr Shakira dude, whomever you may be.

I could go on and on... as you can probably tell, my love for lover's love bumper knows no end.

And so, my love, to end any confusion,
My passion, for your bum, is no allusion.
I'll draw this blog post to a conclusion,
And say your posterior commands my love profusion...

Hot damn!! I really should have paid more attention to Mr Harrison in English class!!